When Families Divorce
By Joseph Infranco
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)
I recently sat at breakfast with three friends, getting caught up on life and sharing prayer requests. As the conversation developed, all three shared the same sad experience of grown children cutting off contact, extending even to grandchildren. That breakfast wasn’t an exception. I hear from many people walking through the same experience.
A 2025 YouGov survey found that 38% of U.S. adults are estranged from at least one family member, including siblings, parents, children or grandparents. A recent Fox news story covered the phenomenon, in particular, children “cutting-off” contact with parents.
Some of this happens over political and value differences, social media influence, communication breakdown, or other outside influences. But a subject of particular concern is people ending a family relationship, calling it “toxic,” or needed for their mental health.
As Dr. Richard Blake said in the article above, "There is this huge bias that if you're struggling in your adult life, it must be because your parents did something they shouldn't or didn't do something."
Let’s start by eliminating some obvious, false arguments. Every person, including parents, makes mistakes. We’re all products of our environment and shared cultural values and thinking. If someone sees things differently, it doesn’t mean they are wrong. Differences are part of the human experience, where we can learn from each other, understand perspectives, and grow in love.
There’ll always be necessary boundaries; the parent, or child, who is drug-addicted is not the right choice to baby sit. There may be relationships that pose physical dangers. These situations have to be addressed with wisdom. But severing all contact over something like “emotional well-being” will usually backfire; well-being comes instead from obeying God’s word, in a life rich with forgiveness, kindness, long-suffering, and love for others.
What the Bible Says About Parental Child Relationships
The Bible is very clear about parental-child relationships. Parents were revered and honored in biblical culture. The Ten Commandments express this clearly: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)
Notice how that commandment links to our own well-being – things will go well for those who follow God’s heart for parents. The theme repeats through Scripture, for example in Proverbs 23:22.
Likewise, parents are given instructions not to “provoke children to anger” (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21). Will both parents and children make mistakes? Of course they will - that is not the issue. The problem comes from the decision, from either side, to no longer engage in love and forgiveness. The decision to totally “cut-off” someone may sound therapeutic, but it is anti-biblical.
Even in those times when boundaries are needed, love can go a long way in healing. The father of the “prodigal son” in Jesus’s parable did not cut off his wayward son for good. To the contrary, he rushed out to meet him and receive him home. God’s heart is always for repentance and restoration.
By cutting someone off permanently, one has no chance to even hear about repentance or to forgive another. Everyone who chooses this route – foreclosing any chance of forgiveness – had better be careful. Remember, Jesus taught us that we’ll be forgiven the same way we choose to forgive others.
This trend of encouraging divorce between parents and children is a sign of a culture drifting from God. People who counsel this way should be very careful. The Apostle Paul included some of this in his warning about signs in the “last days.” Among the attitudes he foresaw, we read that people would be “disobedient to parents, ungrateful… (and) heartless.” (2 Timothy 3:1-2) Seeing this around us in the culture does not necessarily mean we are in the last days. But it does reflect a way of thinking that is ungodly, and that will be characteristic of that time.
It is time to stem this trend and encourage others away from it. Where there has been pain or hurt, we should be peacemakers who encourage reconciliation, forgiveness, and yes – love. The parent-child relationship is given to us by God as a picture of how He desires our relationship with him.
How God Views This Matter
How would God view our “cutting him off” to feel better about ourselves? Or how would we feel if God suddenly tossed away mercy, and permanently cut us off instead? (Happily, that is not who God is or how He thinks!) The challenge for all of us is seeing our earthly relationships the same way and letting God’s Word and heart guide us.
The very last verse of the Old Testament is profound. "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the LORD comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction." (Malachi 4:5-6)
Notice God’s heart for reconciling parents and children. That suggests this will be a problem when Elijah shows up before Jesus’s return; that it is part of the spirit of the age at that time. Let it not be part of how we behave toward each other. Instead, let’s model Christ’s love and grace for us through the parable of the prodigal son and seek restoration rather than continuing in division. That's what Christ did for us and we, in turn, should show to our families.
About the Writer
Joseph Infranco is a retired attorney and former pastor at Highlands Church, now serving as an elder. His legal career began in New York as a litigator, and ended with a ministry, Alliance Defending Freedom, where he took part in defending religious liberties and constitutional rights. While at ADF, Joe oversaw a network of attorneys nationwide and was active in training and lecturing on religious liberty issues. He has a special interest in Christian apologetics and helping the Church to engage on cultural issues. Joe is a frequent speaker at conferences and on podcasts. He has written widely on cultural issues over his career, and his latest book is titled, Decoding Cody.
He and his wife, Valerie, a retired OB-GYN NP, live in Scottsdale, AZ. They have three grown children and five grandchildren.
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