The Edge: A Faith & Culture Blog

When Families Divorce

By Joseph Infranco

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)

I recently sat at breakfast with three friends, getting caught up on life and sharing prayer requests. As the conversation developed, all three shared the same sad experience of grown children cutting off contact, extending even to grandchildren. That breakfast wasn’t an exception. I hear from many people walking through the same experience.

A 2025 YouGov survey found that 38% of U.S. adults are estranged from at least one family member, including siblings, parents, children or grandparents. A recent Fox news story covered the phenomenon, in particular, children “cutting-off” contact with parents.

Some of this happens over political and value differences, social media influence, communication breakdown, or other outside influences. But a subject of particular concern is people ending a family relationship, calling it “toxic,” or needed for their mental health.

As Dr. Richard Blake said in the article above, "There is this huge bias that if you're struggling in your adult life, it must be because your parents did something they shouldn't or didn't do something."

Let’s start by eliminating some obvious, false arguments. Every person, including parents, makes mistakes. We’re all products of our environment and shared cultural values and thinking. If someone sees things differently, it doesn’t mean they are wrong. Differences are part of the human experience, where we can learn from each other, understand perspectives, and grow in love.

There’ll always be necessary boundaries; the parent, or child, who is drug-addicted is not the right choice to baby sit. There may be relationships that pose physical dangers. These situations have to be addressed with wisdom. But severing all contact over something like “emotional well-being” will usually backfire; well-being comes instead from obeying God’s word, in a life rich with forgiveness, kindness, long-suffering, and love for others.

What the Bible Says About Parental Child Relationships

The Bible is very clear about parental-child relationships. Parents were revered and honored in biblical culture. The Ten Commandments express this clearly: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)

Notice how that commandment links to our own well-being – things will go well for those who follow God’s heart for parents. The theme repeats through Scripture, for example in Proverbs 23:22.

Likewise, parents are given instructions not to “provoke children to anger” (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21). Will both parents and children make mistakes? Of course they will - that is not the issue. The problem comes from the decision, from either side, to no longer engage in love and forgiveness. The decision to totally “cut-off” someone may sound therapeutic, but it is anti-biblical.

Even in those times when boundaries are needed, love can go a long way in healing. The father of the “prodigal son” in Jesus’s parable did not cut off his wayward son for good. To the contrary, he rushed out to meet him and receive him home. God’s heart is always for repentance and restoration.

By cutting someone off permanently, one has no chance to even hear about repentance or to forgive another. Everyone who chooses this route – foreclosing any chance of forgiveness – had better be careful. Remember, Jesus taught us that we’ll be forgiven the same way we choose to forgive others.

This trend of encouraging divorce between parents and children is a sign of a culture drifting from God. People who counsel this way should be very careful. The Apostle Paul included some of this in his warning about signs in the “last days.” Among the attitudes he foresaw, we read that people would be “disobedient to parents, ungrateful… (and) heartless.” (2 Timothy 3:1-2) Seeing this around us in the culture does not necessarily mean we are in the last days. But it does reflect a way of thinking that is ungodly, and that will be characteristic of that time.

It is time to stem this trend and encourage others away from it. Where there has been pain or hurt, we should be peacemakers who encourage reconciliation, forgiveness, and yes – love. The parent-child relationship is given to us by God as a picture of how He desires our relationship with him.

How God Views This Matter

How would God view our “cutting him off” to feel better about ourselves? Or how would we feel if God suddenly tossed away mercy, and permanently cut us off instead? (Happily, that is not who God is or how He thinks!) The challenge for all of us is seeing our earthly relationships the same way and letting God’s Word and heart guide us.

The very last verse of the Old Testament is profound. "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the LORD comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction." (Malachi 4:5-6)

Notice God’s heart for reconciling parents and children. That suggests this will be a problem when Elijah shows up before Jesus’s return; that it is part of the spirit of the age at that time. Let it not be part of how we behave toward each other. Instead, let’s model Christ’s love and grace for us through the parable of the prodigal son and seek restoration rather than continuing in division. That's what Christ did for us and we, in turn, should show to our families.

About the Writer

Joseph Infranco is a retired attorney and former pastor at Highlands Church, now serving as an elder. His legal career began in New York as a litigator, and ended with a ministry, Alliance Defending Freedom, where he took part in defending religious liberties and constitutional rights. While at ADF, Joe oversaw a network of attorneys nationwide and was active in training and lecturing on religious liberty issues. He has a special interest in Christian apologetics and helping the Church to engage on cultural issues. Joe is a frequent speaker at conferences and on podcasts. He has written widely on cultural issues over his career, and his latest book is titled, Decoding Cody.

He and his wife, Valerie, a retired OB-GYN NP, live in Scottsdale, AZ. They have three grown children and five grandchildren.

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Happiness, Joy and Marshmallows

By Shelby Sprake

While wandering through the charming downtown of Cannon Beach during a family vacation in Oregon, I paused in front of a small shop. Everything about it captured the laid-back, beachy charm of the coastal town, but it was a small wooden sign that caught my attention.

In simple black lettering, the sign read, “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy marshmallows, which is kind of the same thing.”

The sign made me chuckle, and I’ve remembered those words ever since. I certainly agreed with the sentiment. Marshmallows make me happy, especially when they’re paired with chocolate, graham crackers, a crackling bonfire and good company. 

But perhaps the reason this seemingly insignificant moment became permanently etched in my memory is that, beneath its humor, the sign touches on one of life’s greatest questions: Where does true happiness — or, more accurately, lasting joy — come from?

Marriage Will Make You Happy…Right?

Throughout history, people have looked to wealth, power and influence as sources of happiness. This is true today, and I’d like to add one more to this list: marriage. 

The idea that marriage is essential to a happy or fulfilled life is not new. What is increasingly pervasive today, however, is the notion that marriage is not simply a key to happiness, but the key.

Marriage is certainly something to be desired, pursued and celebrated. However, this belief can unintentionally suggest that those who are unmarried are miserable and unfulfilled, and one’s happiness is wholly dependent on someone else. This message is not only disheartening to those who are single, but it can also create unrealistic expectations for the soon to be or already married.

When Singleness Feels like Waiting 

For those of us who are single, I imagine we can all agree that dating has changed — and not necessarily for the better. I often describe it as a game I’m trying to figure out how to play while the rules seem to change constantly. And for those of us who are in it for the long haul, that uncertainty can become increasingly difficult to navigate.

It becomes even harder when the world tells you that being single means living only half a life, or when you begin to believe that when you find your person, only then will you experience the happiness, fulfillment and meaning that marriage promises.

But there is a danger in placing our hope there. Wanting something deeply can quietly convince us that we cannot be content until we have it. We begin to measure the quality of our lives by what we are still waiting for rather than by what we already have.

Seeking God in the Wilderness 

In the book of Deuteronomy Moses recounts the events and teachings of Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers, and shares a farewell address to a new generation of Israelites as they prepare to take possession of the Promised Land. Chapter two, is titled “The Wilderness Years,” and contains a verse that is very much alive and applicable today.

“For the Lord your God blessed you in all the work of your hands. He knows you're going through this great wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing.”

For 40 years, the Israelites wandered through the wilderness, with the Promised Land seemingly out of reach. Amid their struggles, they even longed for their days in Egypt, convincing themselves that surely even their former lives were better than their present circumstances.

Seasons of life can feel like a wilderness — uncertainty, discontent and longing. For many, a prolonged season of singleness can feel this way, a period of waiting until we finally reach our desired destination.

But Deuteronomy 2:7 reminds us of something we can so easily forget: Even in the wilderness, God was with His people. And they lacked nothing.

Being single does not mean you are incomplete or unfulfilled in any way, and it is not a time for waiting, but for living. With God, you are fully known, loved and whole.

Marriage can be beautiful, and a spouse can bring tremendous love, companionship and happiness into our lives. But no human being was ever meant to be another person’s deepest source of fulfillment. That belongs to God alone, and in Him, we find something deeper than happiness: a lasting joy.

When Marriage Doesn’t Make You Happy

Believing that God is the source of our joy doesn’t just change how we approach singleness. It changes how we approach marriage, too. Because if you believe your spouse is responsible for making you happy, what happens when they don’t?

There will be days when your spouse is not your favorite person. There will be disagreements and disappointments, and times when the feelings that once came so easily require intentionality, patience and grace.

The world may tell you that if you are unhappy in your relationship or marriage, it must be broken and is better off discarded. But not every problem means the whole thing needs to be thrown away. You don’t buy a new house because the pipes leak or the garage door breaks. You fix what is broken. Marriage is no different.

Remember, your identity is not your marital status. Your identity is in Christ. If we spend our lives chasing the next thing we believe will finally make us happy, even marshmallows, we may spend our lives waiting for something that was never meant to fulfill us in the first place. 

About the Writer

Shelby Sprake has more than 15 years of experience in communications. She has built a career helping organizations share meaningful stories, connect with their communities and communicate with clarity and purpose. Her background spans healthcare, emergency services and nonprofit organizations, where she has led strategic communications, marketing campaigns, community outreach, special events and multimedia projects. She currently works as a Communications Specialist for Mayo Clinic where she continues to bring a passion for connecting people through thoughtful, engaging stories and a desire to use her skills to serve and encourage others.

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