Happiness, Joy and Marshmallows
By Shelby Sprake
While wandering through the charming downtown of Cannon Beach during a family vacation in Oregon, I paused in front of a small shop. Everything about it captured the laid-back, beachy charm of the coastal town, but it was a small wooden sign that caught my attention.
In simple black lettering, the sign read, “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy marshmallows, which is kind of the same thing.”
The sign made me chuckle, and I’ve remembered those words ever since. I certainly agreed with the sentiment. Marshmallows make me happy, especially when they’re paired with chocolate, graham crackers, a crackling bonfire and good company.
But perhaps the reason this seemingly insignificant moment became permanently etched in my memory is that, beneath its humor, the sign touches on one of life’s greatest questions: Where does true happiness — or, more accurately, lasting joy — come from?
Marriage Will Make You Happy…Right?
Throughout history, people have looked to wealth, power and influence as sources of happiness. This is true today, and I’d like to add one more to this list: marriage.
The idea that marriage is essential to a happy or fulfilled life is not new. What is increasingly pervasive today, however, is the notion that marriage is not simply a key to happiness, but the key.
Marriage is certainly something to be desired, pursued and celebrated. However, this belief can unintentionally suggest that those who are unmarried are miserable and unfulfilled, and one’s happiness is wholly dependent on someone else. This message is not only disheartening to those who are single, but it can also create unrealistic expectations for the soon to be or already married.
When Singleness Feels like Waiting
For those of us who are single, I imagine we can all agree that dating has changed — and not necessarily for the better. I often describe it as a game I’m trying to figure out how to play while the rules seem to change constantly. And for those of us who are in it for the long haul, that uncertainty can become increasingly difficult to navigate.
It becomes even harder when the world tells you that being single means living only half a life, or when you begin to believe that when you find your person, only then will you experience the happiness, fulfillment and meaning that marriage promises.
But there is a danger in placing our hope there. Wanting something deeply can quietly convince us that we cannot be content until we have it. We begin to measure the quality of our lives by what we are still waiting for rather than by what we already have.
Seeking God in the Wilderness
In the book of Deuteronomy Moses recounts the events and teachings of Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers, and shares a farewell address to a new generation of Israelites as they prepare to take possession of the Promised Land. Chapter two, is titled “The Wilderness Years,” and contains a verse that is very much alive and applicable today.
“For the Lord your God blessed you in all the work of your hands. He knows you're going through this great wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you. You have lacked nothing.”
For 40 years, the Israelites wandered through the wilderness, with the Promised Land seemingly out of reach. Amid their struggles, they even longed for their days in Egypt, convincing themselves that surely even their former lives were better than their present circumstances.
Seasons of life can feel like a wilderness — uncertainty, discontent and longing. For many, a prolonged season of singleness can feel this way, a period of waiting until we finally reach our desired destination.
But Deuteronomy 2:7 reminds us of something we can so easily forget: Even in the wilderness, God was with His people. And they lacked nothing.
Being single does not mean you are incomplete or unfulfilled in any way, and it is not a time for waiting, but for living. With God, you are fully known, loved and whole.
Marriage can be beautiful, and a spouse can bring tremendous love, companionship and happiness into our lives. But no human being was ever meant to be another person’s deepest source of fulfillment. That belongs to God alone, and in Him, we find something deeper than happiness: a lasting joy.
When Marriage Doesn’t Make You Happy
Believing that God is the source of our joy doesn’t just change how we approach singleness. It changes how we approach marriage, too. Because if you believe your spouse is responsible for making you happy, what happens when they don’t?
There will be days when your spouse is not your favorite person. There will be disagreements and disappointments, and times when the feelings that once came so easily require intentionality, patience and grace.
The world may tell you that if you are unhappy in your relationship or marriage, it must be broken and is better off discarded. But not every problem means the whole thing needs to be thrown away. You don’t buy a new house because the pipes leak or the garage door breaks. You fix what is broken. Marriage is no different.
Remember, your identity is not your marital status. Your identity is in Christ. If we spend our lives chasing the next thing we believe will finally make us happy, even marshmallows, we may spend our lives waiting for something that was never meant to fulfill us in the first place.
About the Writer
Shelby Sprake has more than 15 years of experience in communications. She has built a career helping organizations share meaningful stories, connect with their communities and communicate with clarity and purpose. Her background spans healthcare, emergency services and nonprofit organizations, where she has led strategic communications, marketing campaigns, community outreach, special events and multimedia projects. She currently works as a Communications Specialist for Mayo Clinic where she continues to bring a passion for connecting people through thoughtful, engaging stories and a desire to use her skills to serve and encourage others.
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